tell me a story brave heart

my creative space:a present for the cutest five year old

2012-01-19T10:23:00.000+11:00

The pattern is from Rimoli's Amigurumi World: Seriously Cute Crochet.

I made this dancing bear for the sweetest five year old ! She calls the bear Teddy or sometimes Sakti and she took the bear for a walk in her pink purse. Cute! Cute! Cute!

I have some plans for this years creativeness. Mainly to branch out of making crochet toys. Hopefully get back to sewing and to learn some basic quilting. And screen printing too! And of course to still do lots of crocheting. I just want to mix it up a bit.

Heaps of creative people doing their thing here.

a cardigan and a polaroid camera

2012-01-15T17:48:00.000+11:00

Hi hi!

This week little bear has had few 3-4 hour sleeps. Hurray! So I thought I'll come say hello. I was ment to show you the finished felt book I made for Bear, but I've had trouble editing the pictures. It's all new to me so it can get a bit tricky. Maybe in a day or two I'll get it sorted.

Anyway, in addition to sleeping a bit now and then I've also been op-shopping (and I did a bit of reading too, but more about that later).

First I found a little hand crocheted cardigan for Bear. It's supposed to be summer here in Melbourne town, but we've actually got a lot of use out of the sweet cardi this cold cold week.

And few days after I found the cardigan I found a polaroid camera at my favourite op-shop! I had one when I lived in Finland and then they stopped making film so I stashed it somewhere safe and promptly forgot about it. But now I have this beauty! Next I need to find some film.

And while wandering around the internet I have found out that I'm not the only one who gets excited when they find something pretty/useful/eccentric/amazing at the op-shop/ flea market/ thrift store. So I'm joining in with Her Libarary Adventure's Flea Market Finds.

Love,
M

P.s. Not long now before my friends from Finland are here. Hurray!

2012

2012-01-09T18:39:00.001+11:00

So far this year we have celebrated my birthday, demolished the gingerbread house, made new year resolutions, talked on Skype to China and Finland, got the hang of rolling around, organised cupboards, danced to David Bowie, read lots, practiced sleeping properly, op-shopped, had brunch with friends and dinner at my favourite cafe. Not a bad start! Been dreaming about swimming and crafting too. Maybe this week I'll have time to do both. And of course I've been thinking of sleep a lot or rather the lack off sleep.I feel quite hopeful and confident that we'll solve the sleep puzzle soon. And what about you? What have you been up to my old friend?

Mmmm all the different buildings taste different too. Trust me they really do!

warped

2012-01-04T22:01:00.001+11:00

We've been away at the beach house, in paradise. Yet little bear (still) hasn't been sleeping and so my days, evenings and nights mostly consist of trying to make her to go to sleep. We've tried feeding, rocking, patting, singing, dancing, driving and walking. I've even tried reasoning with her ' Pikkukarhu you will feel much better after a good sleep.', 'You know little ones are supposed to nap during the day.', 'I love you but you need to sleep now before we all go loopy!'. And I must admit that I have even tried swearing in all the languages I know just in case it would help. It hasn't. As a result I feel as wonky and warped as the gingerbread village I made for christmas. Next year I will make something more weather appropriate and hope it doesn't buckle in the heat. Maybe a beach shack would do the trick.

They always say that being a parent, being a mother, is hard work. And it has been tough. Especially, getting the whole breastfeeding thing to work. Not that I am complaining. Well maybe a little bit! I haven't had a proper nights sleep since my first trimester. So I just thought that being this exhausted is somewhat normal and that her erratic sleeping pattern is typical for babies. But then the MCH nurse asked me what our days are like and after she heard my answer she exclaimed ' We better get you some help now!'. I guess it is that bad then as we were straight away given a referral to sleep school. Now we just have to wait until March and hope that we will be okay. It hurts me to see her so tired. It hurts me to be so tired. It's really hurting our little family.

But don't worry too much we are still quite happy. There have been lots magical beautiful moments. Most of the time she is a very happy and curious baby. Even when she is tired and has big bags under her eyes. She has also managed to roll from her back to her tummy. I haven't seen her do that yet, but N did. Bear has also been trying to figure out how to crawl. She gets quite frustrated after trying really hard and still not getting anywhere. My beautiful one. We also had a really lovely christmas with N's family and a relaxed New Year with our friend. And and and it's my birthday tomorrow and my soulmate, the beautiful Aleksandria, is coming from Finland for a visit. Can't wait to see her. And I can't wait what surprises N has in store for tomorrow.

HBD!

2011-12-13T17:17:00.000+11:00

Yesterday was my mother's birthday and since I can't hug my mum and wish her happy birthday in person I will do it through as many channels I can (I've already sent my love via email, facebook and skype). So here we go: Hyvää Syntymapaivää rakas äiti! HBD!

I also know that my mother misses Little Bear to the max, but I don't want her to feel like she is missing out so I took a gazillion photos of Bear and the numerous new facial expression in her repertoire. She can switch from a happy grin into a sad little frown in seconds and the other way again. Makes me laugh every time and I just want to kiss and cuddle her forever. So I do kiss and cuddle her lots. Of course I do! And she just giggles and happily shrieks in response.

My mum loved the big fat emails (living abroad far from my family and friends has made me appreciate such things as email and even facebook!!!) chock-full of bear love. Here are some of the pictures I sent that day. I hope they'll make you smile too.

Oh and the crocheted suit Bear is wearing used to be mine. Made by Helmi-mummo who lived next door to my grandparents. Isn't it gorgeous? I sure think it is.

my creative space: lil bunny

2011-12-08T12:55:00.001+11:00

When I had to stay at the hospital due to preeclampsia I was lucky enough to share a room with a very kind and sweet lady. It made my stay a lot more easier being able to talk and listen to someone so warm, positive and empathetic. And it was nice to have someone to say good night to just before falling to sleep. Also the midwives loved her and even the grumpy food trolley man gave her extra biscuits! That's how lovely she is.

The pattern is by Ana Paula Rimoli and the bowl is made by my mum.

This bunny is for her little girl. I'm also going to make a little turtle for her son who has the sweetest giggle and was a little bundle of energy every time he visited his mama at the hospital.

More creative spaces here.

4 1/2 months

2011-12-08T00:25:00.001+11:00

Bear's four month pictures are on my broken laptop. Soinstead we have some 4 1/2 months photos taken at our favourite park. We livein a tiny apartment so we try to spend as much time outdoors as possible. Ithink it is important for Little Bear to experience nature; to hear the birdschirp and to follow the dazzling morning light dancing around. During the pastmonth she has become more and more aware of her surroundings and it's beenfascinating to follow her reactions ( Well at times it was less fascinating andrather more frustrating when she was too interested in everything else thanfeeding. Lucky enough we managed to work around the issue and we didn't have toretreat to feed in a darkened room!). Bear's grandparents came for a visit lastweekend and we were having lunch at a cafe when two men wearing reflectivevests came in. She had a party staring at the bright orange vests and shehappily shrieked at the men for a long time.

We really enjoyed having her grandparents from Adelaidehere. Bear, especially, loved chatting to her granny and grandpa making theselittle conversational sounds and she even made these hilarious expressions togo with them. It's great to see that special bond forming and tightening itsgrip. I'm really happy she has such loving grandparents from both sides. All inall we've had a really good month. Can't wait to see what the next one bringswith it.

my creative space: a dandy lion called andy

2011-12-01T16:09:00.001+11:00

Andy is very proud of his dandy mane. And so he should be. He fastidiously grooms it every morning and spends the rest of the day sprucing it up. And when he is not busy taming his curls he reads magazines such as the The New York Times and Le Monde Diplomatique to name a few. He is also particularly fond of the Australian publication named Quarterly Essay.

And he would like to use this opportunity to point out that just because one has an impressive hairdo does not mean that they are silly fluff heads as well. He also thinks that we should read more Dostojevsky and other Russian classics to Little Bear instead of board books. In other words he thinks we are slack parents and the label 'tiger mum' is a misnomer as everyone knows that lions are fierce. Also when it comes to parenting. Not that he has any children himself or as he likes to point 'not any children we know of'.

Anyway I'm very happy Andy agreed to model for the felt book I am making for Little Bear. You can see the first few pages here and here. And many more creative spaces can be found here.

a little kitchen garden on my balcony

2011-11-27T16:38:00.001+11:00

Lovely cucumber seedlings.

Basil, dill and coriander seedlings sharing a pot for the moment.

A pretty pea flower.

I also have lettuce, kale, tomatoes, chillies, capsicums, spring onion and silverbeet growing on my balcony. There are a few non-edible plants too and I also want to add some spinach, thyme, rosemary, watercress and oregano to my collection. Yay! And a big thank you to my mum who helped me set it up.

my creative space:after some advice

2011-11-24T15:14:00.000+11:00

Wonder why the red yarn always burns through the pictures I take? I've been trying to take a decent one all day to no avail.

I made the blanket in question few years ago and I want to make a new one now. For Little Bear of course! But I'm a bit unsure what type of yarn I should use this time around. See my blanket has become a bit blah. A bit too 'fluffy'.

I don't know whether it is the yarn I used or the fact that my dog likes to burrow in it. I used 8 ply 100 % wool. Should I opt for cotton instead or a cotton and wool blend? Most probably the yarn I used was not very good quality.

More creative spaces here.

PS I actually managed to quit smoking by crocheting as every time I craved a cigarette I would crochet granny squares instead. I needed something to do with my fingers, something to fiddle with. So I carried my crochet paraphernalia with me to bars, lectures and even made many granny squares when waiting for the tram. And after a while I had a pile of granny squares and I had replaced an old addiction with a new one. But I think a crochet addiction beats smoking anytime. Every time.

water

2011-11-20T14:26:00.000+11:00

(all pictures from here)

Water is such a beautiful and magical (and in many ways haunting) element in Susanna Majuri's pictures, don't you think?

ikävä

2011-11-15T23:06:00.000+11:00

My mum left back to Finland yesterday. I've been in a quite dark mood ever since. I hope we will not resort to eating toast and living in a messy house. Especially as it still takes me ages to breastfeed Little Bear so there is little time for anything else. But don't get me wrong it has gotten a lot better from the nightmare it was. Amazingly so. At times I would despair about Bear's feeding, being unable to imagine how and when it could get better. During times like that I was so lucky to have my mum here by my side gently reminding me that this too shall pass.

Bear and her mummo (Finnish for grannie)

For a very family orientated family we do tend to roam around the world a bit. I'm here in far-flung Australia and at the moment my brother is living in China. Well my mum was the same when she was young and she travelled and lived for long periods overseas during a time when it was not common. Far from it; it was something extraordinary. And what an extraordinary woman my mum is! She is also the best mother I could ever ask for and such a delightful and doting grandmother. We have always had a strong connection (even when I was a difficult and rebellious teenager) and I hope I'll have such a solid relationship with grown-up Bear too. Though the idea of my little one being a grown-up one day feels quite unreal.

I actually feel a bit better now after writing all this down. Life isn't that bad, is it? Even though I miss my mum already it helps to (roughly) know when I will be able to see her again. Helps a lot actually now that I think of it.

Good night.

my creative space: a little felt book for bear part II

2011-11-10T07:06:00.000+11:00

Slowly, but surely I've been making Bear a felt book. Last week I wasn't too happy with the first two pages, but now I'm almost pleased with them after I added a few details and stitched all around them too. And I think the little red bear turned out quite nice.

Happy Thursday to you all! More creative spaces here.

P.s. I need some photo editing advice. I've been trying a few things, but there is so much to get my head around. How do I make the pictures bigger so they still show properly? How do I get rid of those boxy borders? And if I edit a picture on Picnik and then save it on my computer and then upload it on blogger why does it appear sideways eventhough it is the right way on the computer? Thanks!

The Dandenongs

2011-11-09T19:25:00.000+11:00

We took Bear to the Dandenongs for her first bush walk and now I can say that I've been on a bush walk with a pram (!). Not that I've ever tried to masquerade as a sporty person, but maybe next time I'll try to remember to take the baby carrier with us and change into a pair of pants. Not that we didn’t manage skirt, pram and all. And it was such a lovely little walk. I do miss nature a lot living in Melbourne.The hour drive to the Dandenongs isn't that bad considering how much joy it gives us. Just the smell of trees, the smell of a forest full of trees, is enough to make me happy.

my place & yours: my favourite piece of clothing + a sleepy bear

2011-11-05T17:50:00.000+11:00

I didn't get myself organised (read: was too knackered to tidy up my bedroom) for last week's My place and Yours, but this week I'm back in the game.

My favourite piece of clothing :

I love the cut, the colours, the details and the fabric.

But most of all I love it because it is my grandmother's jacket.

More favourites here at Punky & Me.

Also here is another favourite of mine, my sleeping beauty, who has her first ever cold. Poor chicken.

my creative space: a little felt book for Bear

2011-11-03T10:50:00.000+11:00

Here are the first two pages of a felt book in the making. Maybe I shouldn't craft in the middle of the night. Not too happy with the little mishaps like the mouth of the sun and I didn't realise the glue would seep through the other one. Or maybe it is the lack of sleep talking and the pages are okay. Okayish at least. Bearable maybe.

This little mouse is adapted from a pattern you can find in Nelly Pailloux book Felties.

Here comes the sun. Still not sure about the mouth.

More creative spaces here. Lots of great stuff there. As always.

three months

2011-10-30T15:16:00.001+11:00

I've been trying to capture Little Bear's smile, but every time I start taking pictures her eyes widen wide open. I love how curious she is, constantly looking around in wonder and amazement. She likes following the dance of light and lately she has kept her gaze for a long time on our dog Max. Maybe this is the beginning of their friendship. I hope it is.

It has been raining a lot in Melbourne town and there hasn't been proper light to take her 'official' 3 month pictures. I guess these pictures will do too.

She has grown so much since birth (doubled her weight). She was such a tiny delicate doll drowning in her clothes and now she looks more and more like a real baby. She even has some of those delicious rolls of baby fat. It wouldn't hurt to have a few more! I think she'll actually be quite lean and tall when she grows up. Just like her dad and the exact opposite of short and stodgy me. Quite a blessing. Though being short can be fun as I've never experienced any discomfort while flying (that is a perk!) and I get to buy some of my shoes from the children's department (cheaper and more cheerful colours to choose from). Unfortunately I can't think of any perks of being stodgy.

Other things have changed too not just her appearance. Feeding her is not a constant struggle anymore and I don't feel so anxious and defeated all the time. She has started smiling (I was a bit worried for a while even though as an anthropologist to be I should know that there is no such thing as a norm) and can you believe it she rolled from her tummy to her back the other day. We, my mum and I, just stared at her in disbelief and I actually yelped and clapped when she did it twice more. Amazing how babies develop in such leaps and bounds. Every little thing she does is magic. I kid you not. Magic.

(I wrote the above last night and went to bed. I got to sleep for about two hours before Bear got up and ever since she has been mostly unsettled. It's three in the afternoon now and finally she is fast asleep in her own cot. I'm so lucky I have mum here at the moment. She held and gently rocked Little Bear in her arms in the morning so I got a bit of extra sleep. Though I kept waking up to the sounds of Bear grizzling and crying. Poor baby and her tummy troubles.I don't mind holding her in my arms when she sleeps. It's just that sometimes I'm so sleepy myself I start nodding and I'm worried that I'll drop her. And sometimes I'm so tired I feel really frustrated with it all. Anyway I think I'm going to curl up in bed now. Hope you all have a lovely and restful Sunday!)

my creative space: in the process

2011-10-27T09:48:00.001+11:00

I have an idea. I have the materials. I only need time.

When I was pregnant I, umm, thought that while the baby sleeps I'll have time to do things like study Spanish. Haha how naive of me! Today the plan is to do some chores and in the afternoon we'll visit the local community garden for some organic seedlings. I'm planning a kitchen garden on my balcony. Quite excited about it. I'll at least get some chillies, silverbeet, salad, tomatoes and peas. Then if I have spare time in the evening I'll get crafty. Wish me luck.

Happy Thursday to you all! More creative spaces here.

max

2011-10-26T20:37:00.000+11:00

I would like to introduce you to Max. He is also known by the following names Maximillian, Maxmillian the Great(est), Maxdax,Mäksiläinen, Maximum, Mäksitäksi and Maxworth. In Finland we say rakkaalla lapsella on monta nimeä. A beloved child has many names. He is not a puppy anymore, but he sure is loved.

It took him a while to fully trust us being a shelter dog and only slowly did his true personality unfold.
We don't actually know what his life was like before he came to live with us. We can only guess. But for some reason he seems to hate posties and utes a lot. And when we got him he never barked and sometimes if we moved too suddenly towards him he would curl up into a shivering little ball waiting to be hit. Broke my heart every time. Then one day he rolled over on his back and wanted me to scratch his tummy. An ultimate sign of trust. And these days he does bark a bit. Mostly at posties, utes and motorcycles. The first few times I was just thrilled to hear his voice.

Max with Mini-Max. I tried to make Bear her own little

Max she could take with her everywhere,

but I think it looks more like a pig or something.

Not that there is anything wrong with pigs.

When I was pregnant he didn't leave my side, constantly guarding me. He followed my like a shark follows a ship (another Finnish saying for you there: seuraa ku hai laivaa.) He used to curl up next to my tummy and when the baby started kicking too much he would simply move and curl up in the crook of my knees.

He's my best friend. I know he is N's best friend too and someday, I hope, he will be best of friends with Bear as well. Though at the moment he is not very impressed with Bear as to him her cry sounds like a cat's cry. Bringing Bear home has also turned his world upside down, but with a little bit of time and help from our dog trainer things have started to settle down and he is not so anxious anymore. He actually has started to guard Bear too. I guess it means that he has accepted Bear to be part of our pack now. Yay for Max!

my place & yours: my pin cushion

2011-10-23T20:49:00.000+11:00

This weeks theme for My place & Yours is 'My Pin Cushion'. At first I wasn't going to participate since I don't have a pin cushion. I know, not a very credible crafter am I? Not sure if I should be embarrassed or not. Maybe I should. Maybe I shouldn't. Anyway here are my (forever) makeshift pin containers.

I really should make myself a pin cushion or at least get one.

More pin cushions over at Punky & Me. Some really nice, cute, and real (!) pin cushiony pin cushions there.

Also this wonderful little girl is a three-month-old girl now(I'll post more pictures soon for those of you waiting. Kisses to you) Love her so.

my creative space: mini hexagons

2011-10-20T06:34:00.000+11:00

hexagon |ˈheksəˌgän|nouna plane figure with six straight sides and angles.ORIGIN late 16th cent.: via late Latin from Greek hexagōnon, neuter (used as a noun) of hexagōnos ‘six-angled.’I always tell people how good crochet is for my brain. It's almost like doing maths and I like to keep my brain in tip top shape. At least I try to. So crochet is what chess, sudoku or crossword puzzles are for others. It keeps my grey cells abuzz. But the thing is that maths has never really been my thing. I don't have the patience for it. I'm more of an abstract thinking kind of girl.

So it is only natural that the first mini hexagons I made were rather more abstract in nature than anything else. While I was making them I kept thinking that my pretty little hexagons were somehow funny. I came to the conclusion (look at me I'm using a mathematical term! Well at least in logic it means a proposition that is reached from given premises and logic is kind of maths, right?) that the hexagons would be more hexagonish when I sew them together (sound logic, hey). Then I made some more and still had that niggling little suspicion that my hexagons were somehow odd. I finally figured out (after rigorous counting of sides) that my poor hexagons were actually missing a corner.
They were in fact not hexagons at all!!!!!!!!

My mother thought my pentagons disguised as hexagons were particularly funny as I had just been explaining to her how good and easy a project this is. Well I must say I had a bit of a laugh myself. You are welcome to have a bit of a laugh too. But don't laugh at me too much.

I almost gave up, but then I thought that I should at least try to figure out what went wrong before I move on to another craft project. I read the pattern again and decided to give my non-mathematical self another chance. And (applauds please) here we have true hexagons (you're very welcome to count the corners if you don't believe me).

So even if maths has never really been my thing crochet (against all odds) still is.

P.s. Maybe next I should tackle quilting as it seems to be even more mathematical in nature than crochet (someone is getting a little bit cocky with their math skills now).

P.p.s I still don't now what I'm going to make out of these hexagons. Maybe a blanket or a cushion cover or something else. What do you think? Any ideas? I've apparently used all my brain power pretending to be mathematical.

More creative spaces here. Go on have a look!

my baby girl is growing fast

2011-10-18T10:34:00.000+11:00

The other day I packed away Bear's tiniest clothes. The prem ones and the 00000s. When she was born we didn't have any clothes small enough as we were told by a midwife that it is best to wait and see how big the baby was before buying any of the smallest sizes. Well Bear was a lot smaller than we ever imagined she would be. Even though she was a good size for a prem being just over two kilos (I was born premature too and weighed just under one kilo. And even though I was myself premature it didn't even cross our mind that she would be too.). So there we were with a newborn and no clothes. Lucky they lend us some clothes from the hospital (the pink one) and my mother-in-law quickly went in search for more.

This picture was taken the night before we got to take her home from the hospital after 23 days. We stayed there with her for a night rooming in i.e. practicing how to take care of her around the clock. I was superduper excited and a bit nervous too.

It's been so good to have her home.

my place & yours: on the shelf

2011-10-15T20:38:00.000+11:00

Vic at Punky & Me is hosting an awesome sounding new-old weekly meme called My Place and Yours. I'm eternally curious and things like this just tickle me pink. Can't wait to see what little bits and pieces we are sharing next week. Anyway now I'm getting ahead of myself. This weeks theme is ' on the shelf'.

I chose to photograph my favourite new shelf : Little Bear's shelf. When I had gotten past the terrifying 14 weeks pregnant mark I started buying books for Bear as reading has always been an important part of my life. Hopefully it will give her as much joy and comfort as reading has given me. And not to mention all the adventures I have experienced through reading.

Most of the books are from op-shops and the rest we have got as presents. There are some Finnish books thrown in the mix (especially love the Moomin audio books my mum got her), but I'm hoping that one day I'll have as many books for her in Finnish (hint hint to all my lovely friends and family back in Finland). After all Finnish is my first language. The language I feel with and dream in (and swear in!). My mum always made sure we, my twin brother and I, had Finnish books around and that we heard enough Finnish when we lived overseas. I want the same for my child.

my creative space: bear garland

2011-10-13T09:23:00.002+11:00

Morning,

I've been doing some middle of the night crafting this week. I've been so wired when night time comes that I've sat at the dining table at odd hours trying to make something. It's nice having something tangible to do; a project that has a beginning and an end. The very reason why I was convinced and still am that making, be it cooking or crafting or something similar, balanced studying. And with studying, especially writing essays, I felt like I needed to keep on going forever with all those abstract open-ended ideas. No end in sight there.

Crafting seems to be helping with this parenting chaos too. I have no idea when will this rotten unsettled stage end. I can only offer my little one feeds, cuddles, lots of love and dry nappies and hope she'll feel better soon.

So I thought that making a bear garland for my Little Bear would help. And indeed it has made me feel a bit better. At least it is pretty and goes well with the fox garland I made few weeks back.

Hope you all are having a good day. More creative spaces here.

Love,
Martta

grizzle grizzle

2011-10-11T18:35:00.000+11:00

One tired (and somewhat grumpy) mum here hello.

Bear has been a cranky little cub for the last week or so. Apparently babies can become very clingy, teary and hard to settle around week six and since our little one was five weeks plus premature it means that despite her being eleven weeks old we have actually just hit the six week mark. And oh my have we hit it hard. Tears! Screams! Yelps! Grizzle grizzle!

I think it hit us surprisingly hard, because all this came as a total surprise. I swear no one ever mentioned anything about it neither at the parenting classes or at the hospital. For a while we thought she had reflux (which she still may or may not have). Then we were convinced that we are just hopeless parents. Who would've known that all this crying and fussing is a perfectly normal part of a baby's development and quite okay too.

I've been reading Pinky McKay's (I know I love her name too) very helpful book 100 Ways to Calm the Crying so I'll be a bit more aware of what is to come. What I've learned so far is that there are several major developmental stages like the six-week crying peak when babies can be unsettled, confused, scared and upset. 6 weeks, 8 weeks, 12 weeks, 19 weeks, 26 weeks, 37 weeks and 46 weeks!

Also some babies fare better and others worse. Bear quite clearly needs a lot more comforting and heaps more cuddles from us than before. She also seems to be going through a growth spurt as she wants to nurse every second hour during the day and at night every three hours. Sometimes I do feel a bit like a milk machine.

So there have been days when the dishes are half done and the other half is still in the sink. Somedays
I haven't even bothered changing out of my dressing gown because dressing into proper clothes between feeds seems like such a waste of time.

(Sorry for the blurry picture it's hard to take an in focus picture of our little wiggler.

But look at that red hair! And you can admire my infamous dressing gown too.)

Yet we have been doing a lot of fun stuff too like going for walks, playing with new toys, bathing (Bear loves bath time. One of her favourite things to do.), going to mothers group and to the Shake, Rattle & Rhyme session at the local library. I even managed to squeeze in a lunch with friends at one of my favourite local restaurants. And most of all we've been reading lots.

What we've been reading with the little one:

(Say hello to Mini-Nalle and Eugene. Both were presents from lovely friends.

Mini-Nalle came all the way from Finland and Eugene came as far as Geelong.)

What I've been reading:

And what N has been reading for his thesis (looks like fun hey) :

pregnancy and birth

2011-10-08T18:05:00.000+11:00

The short version:
Being pregnant was shit and giving birth was a bit traumatic. Yet it was all worth it!

The longer version:

Oh my for me being pregnant was rough. There were days I absolutely hated being pregnant and felt so so guilty for not enjoying it. But don't get me wrong most of the time I was in awe of what my body could do and withstand. The very idea of a baby growing inside me made me giddy with happiness. I loved feeling her move and what a firecracker she was kicking, turning and dancing away day and night.

I was nauseous until the 22nd week and after few weeks of peace my pelvis started to act up and I was diagnosed with Pelvic Instability. I was banned from walking the dog, doing yoga, swimming, standing or sitting for long periods of time and I even had to stop studying. I was quite a mess for a while feeling sorry for myself.

But when I got used to staying at home I actually enjoyed being able to read fiction for hours and hours in bed. I even finished Vikram Seth's A Suitable Boy. I had one copy sitting in my shelf back in Finland for years and last year I found another copy at the op-shop. In essence I had been waiting for almost a decade for the right time to start the book. 1474 pages. Worth every moment. You can listen to an interesting interview with Seth here on BBC Worldservice's World Book Club (The interview series has lots of other super interesting interviews. The last one I listened to was Margaret Atwood talking about her book The Handmaid's Tale. She is so clever and talented and funny too).

Just when I got all comfortable and learned how to do the dishes sitting down I was admitted to the hospital due to a sudden and quite severe bout of Preeclampsia. My placenta was disagreeing with my body putting a lot of strain on my liver and kidneys. Two days later Little Bear was delivered into this world through a c-section. She was five weeks and three days too early. Missed her dad's birthday by one day!

She was whisked straight away into the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit), but was able to come of ventilation support the day after and she was moved to the special care nursery to fatten up and to make sure everything was all right before letting her go home. She was there for 23 days. I can't even begin to describe the way I felt during that time. I just had this unbearable need to take her home with me. To nurture and take care of her. To love her to bits.

I don't remember being too scared about her being premature as we, my twin brother and I, were three months too early. We turned out okay! I was more scared of the actual operation and my whole body shook violently all the way from my hospital room to the operation table. Somehow I managed to will myself to stop shaking. Mostly because I felt so embarrassed and foolish about been scared. The whole process was a lot easier and quicker than I thought though and the doctors were gossiping while preparing. I guess for them it is such a commonplace event. It was most probably the fifth caesarean of the day for them while for me it was the scariest thing I've ever encountered.

It was only after a young and haggard doctor in Emergency (I had to get my blood pressure checked every few days after being discharged from the hospital as it wouldn't settle) patted my thick hospital file and remarked in the most emphatic manner that I had indeed had a hell of a time I let myself feel sad for the first time. I became conscious of the fact that we had been through quite a lot and on the way home, in the bus, I had a bit of a cry and realised that I should be proud of myself for not falling into a heap and at the same time for not being too nonchalant about it. Do you know what I mean?

Of course I would have loved to have a natural birth and ideally to have carried the pregnancy to term. Yet all in all I feel quite positive about everything that happened. After all for all my troubles I got a healthy and lovely little daughter. And she is mine to keep. Can you believe it!?! Sometimes I can't believe I actually am a mother now. I feel so lucky and blessed. She is so precious. The most beautiful girl in the world.

Anyway the reason why I'm writing this post is to say that despite all the trouble we went through I still somehow feel empowered by my experience. When I was feeling particularly low it helped to read about other women's experiences. It gave me comfort to know that I wasn't the only one not being able to enjoy my pregnancy whole heartedly and that these women had somehow managed to pull through. Just as I would eventually do. So if you have somehow stumbled across my story and are having a bad time, feeling intimidated by all the pregnant goddesses, just send me a message. I promise I'll listen to you and hold your hand if need be. Hopefully it will make you feel a little bit better and give you strength to carry on.

(Little Bear holding hands with her dad.

This picture melts my heart every time)

(Little Bear and I the day after she was born)

The hurdles didn't end there since due to her being premature we have had trouble establishing breastfeeding. But I'll leave that story for another day. And even though I feel good about Little Bear's birth I've been struggling with not feeling guilty and vulnerable about being a mother. Especially when Little Bear is particularly unsettled and crying and screaming and nothing I do seems to help. It's hard not to feel inadequate. But that is another story too or more likely a continuing saga (hello the next eighteen years!). I've heard that mother's guilt never leaves you alone. But I'll keep trying to be the best mum I can for her. Don't we all. I hope I'll succeed.

Lots of love
Rakkaudella,
M

my creative space: a red bear for Little Bear

2011-10-06T10:44:00.000+11:00

This bear has been in the making for the past month. I finished it this morning at five as I couldn't sleep after our nighttime feed with the little one. I think my body went into shock having slept more than three hours in one go. Ha ha. Three hours and 16 minutes to be precise!

As soon as we started calling Little Bear Little Bear I wanted to make her a bear. Naturally.

I used the Morris the sensitive panda pattern from the Meet me at Mike's book. I made some minor changes and as a result Red looks a lot more cheerful than sensitive Morris. But I guess you would have quite cheerful a disposition if you were bright red, wouldn't you?

While I was stitching Red up I was trying to decide whether I should name Little Bear's soft toys or wait for her to name them herself. What do other people do? What do you do? Or is this a totally irrelevant issue. A silly five in the morning thought best forgotten as soon as possible.

More creative spaces here.

when away

2011-10-03T15:41:00.001+11:00

Yesterday we, my partner N and I, saw Gotye at the Forum in Melbourne town. It was such a brilliant show! And it was my first time away from my bebe for more than an hour or two. All in all we were gone for five hours. Five hours. I know it doesn't sound that long, but it sure did feel like a long time.

Our friends, who were babysitting, were very sweet about me being nervous and took pictures of Little Bear sleeping, eating and sleeping and sent them to N's phone. Not that I ever doubted that they couldn't take care of her. Anyway I'm happy I did end up going to the gig. Just the venue itself is amazing. The stage is made to look like a Roman pavilion garden and the ceiling is made to look like the sky. It's hard to visualise it without actually seeing it, but trust me it was gorgeous in a dreamy and theatrical way.

Though all this said we did have to leave her at the special care nursery every night, but it wasn't the same thing. It felt different. This was the first time after we got her home that I left her side for such a long period of time. The very term 'to leave someone' sounds quite horrible don't you think? Maybe we should come up with a softer word for it. Any suggestions? Going away doesn't sound very good either. I wonder if the going away, doing your own thing and then coming back again gets easier by time and practice.

hoot hoot

2011-10-01T06:52:00.000+10:00

Good morning,

This week I made an owl for my friend's nine-month-old daughter. She grabbed on to its wings, trashed the poor bird against the cafe's table several times and then threw it around the place. All this with a big smile on her face. I think she liked her present. At least I hope so!

(Few nights ago I found the teeny owl talking to the Pelargonium)

The pattern is from Ana Paula Rimoli's Amigurumi World: Seriously Cute Crochet.

We've had a busy week so today we're going to stay home and catch up on some sleep and go for a walk weather permitting. And maybe, just maybe, I'll do the dishes.

Hope you have a good weekend! I'm going back to bed now.

Love,

Martta

my creative space: in need of a quick craft fix

2011-09-29T20:45:00.001+10:00

Everything, and I mean everything, takes a long time to do in this household these days. I do manage to squeeze in a row or two of crochet, a paragraph and a half of reading and few forkfuls of food once in a while between feeding the bub and trying to sleep myself. But I started to feel like I had to do something concrete, something tangible. I needed to complete a project from start to finnish (or do you say from the beginning to the end in English?).

When I saw the Indie Foxx Garland on Gaby's sweet blog I knew I had to make one too. Though the meaning of the word quick has definitely changed for me, but after three days of sporadic paper craft action I managed to finnish it this morning. Yay what a lovely feeling!

First I thought I would hang it over Little Bear's cot, but then again being an overcautious new mum ridiculously scared of SIDS I decided it would bring us a lot more joy adorning our little breastfeeding nook.

More creative spaces here. There's some great stuff to have a look at!

beginning

2011-09-28T23:54:00.001+10:00

Hello!

I'm Martta and I come from beautiful Finland, but at the moment I call marvelous Melbourne home. Well actually (trying to keep this long story short) I was born in Sydney, but we left for Finland (where my mum is from) when my twin brother and I were tiny tots. In between we have lived in Pakistan (where my father is from). So in my early twenties I came back to explore Australia and met my lovely, nice to the bones and gorgeous boyfriend during that trip and decided to stay.

Little did I know that in about five years time I would have finished my arts degree, found the most adorable dog named Max to keep me company and given birth to the most precious little girl we call Little Bear.

I must admit that I have tried blogging before, but university can be such a jealous and unreasonable friend leaving me little time and energy for anything else. But here I am again. Ready to give it my best shot. This time around I'm determined to record bits and pieces of our life for my far away family and friends. I miss them quite a lot and I know they miss us.

I like reading, drinking tea, swimming, sleeping (I quite miss sleep being a new mum and obsessively think about it a lot), crocheting, spending time with friends and my nutty family, sewing, eating, going for walks with my dog Max, daydreaming, cooking, gardening, cuddling Little Bear, baking, listening to music and kissing my boyfriend. Sometimes I even enjoy studying! I also like adventures of sorts, especially traveling. Next I want to go to Morocco and back home to Finland for a visit.

Oh oh I can't believe I'm going to publish this photo of my sketches for the whole world to see. I haven't drawn anything in years, but in my sleep deprived state thought I absolutely must try. So here we go a drawing of Little Bear and I the day after she was born and I was off my head on morphine. She arrived five weeks too early yet I was still so giddy with happiness. And I was so relieved that in the end everything went well.

Love,

Martta B.

P.s. I would like to learn how to take better pictures. Maybe having a blog will help with this.